First Birthday
I am usually fond of birthdays. Whether you celebrate big or small, a birthday to me marks the recognition of one’s self. To be seen, to be heard, to be cared for, or to be acknowledged. And why wouldn’t this be any different for a loved one that has passed?
It was important to Ryan and I to authentically celebrate Maisie - and while we couldn’t decide just the right way, we ended up choosing a few activities that spanned across the week. (As a side note, Ryan likes to joke that I turn my Birth Day into a week or even a month…so I guess it runs in the family).
What I know to be true, is that Maisie’s birthday and the days leading up to it would be filled with all the ups and downs as her birth day is shared with her death day. And I wanted to acknowledge both.
The weekend leading up to Maisie’s birthday was filled with laughter, stories, creativity and play. We first set up a small party at a local bowling alley with our Bay Area support group - who are now our dearest life-long friends. To us, bowling felt very quintessential midwestern and we wanted to share that with Maisie as part of her heritage. (Because no doubt, being San Francisco-born, she would have been way cooler than her Wisconsinite parents.)
The next day, a few of my college girlfriends and I kept the “play” theme going by visiting a 'putt-putt course and arcade. We cashed in our tickets to each get a unicorn key chain, something that we thought Maisie would have liked.
What I realized that weekend is that by tapping into our playful, childlike wonderment side - I was able to feel more deeply connected to Maisie and in a way that was outside of grief. And that was a welcomed change.
On the day of Maisie’s actual birthday - February 21 - Ryan and I wanted it to spend the time together as a family. Ryan planned a day for us in Muir Woods. Hiking amongst the Redwoods, being in awe of nature and being gently reminded that the world is bigger than us and more magical or mystical than we’d ever know - was somehow the most fitting way to honor Maisie.
Lastly, on the evening of her birthday, and to acknowledge her short-life earth side, we lit a candle at 5:59pm for exactly 46 minutes. Ryan and I sat in silence, closed our eyes and held the space for our daughter.
A note for loved ones: I really appreciated the birthday cards for Maisie, or the pictures of altars that you created to honor her, or just reaching out to us on her birthday. It means that you acknowledge her - and us as her parents - and that is what brings a smile to my face.
